A Wide Hall

It was a wide hall. I was alone. The silence was thick in the hall.

“Hey” I shouted, but my words were like a brick falling into a lake of silence.

It boomed. It was silent again within a few seconds. I even heard my own breathing. I thought it would be better if somebody was here.

I walked forward. My footsteps were silent, echoing in the hall.

“Where should I go?” “Where am I heading to?”

I kept on walking. I still walked on.

I had nothing special to do, so I had to walk on.

I wanted somebody to call me. I wouldn’t be able to stand the loneliness. There was a bitterness consuming me, like the coffee I drank before vomiting.

The hall was so wide that it appeared never end. The more I walked the longer the hall appeared.  I even expected a place where was a poster on the wall. I preferred the poster; Sharapova in a swimsuit. I thought I would have to walk this endless hall till I started to hate walking.

I decided to walk till my foot betrayed me. That’s right. Everything was changing. If something came to exist, it must be destroyed again. Something would be destroyed after it had existed. I thought. I didn’t think of anything else.

Walking on, I found a place. There were many spider webs. It was a room. A small, narrow room. The room was neither bright nor dim, with a cot. Beside the cot, there were books fallen into disorder. There was also a writing desk with a chair. Next to the writing desk was a bookshelf. There were several English novels and literary books. The books seemed familiar to me, but most of the books remained unopened. I knew only the writers and titles of those books. I didn’t know anything else. And there was also a writing paper, on which some words were written.

Sunbeams were coming from east again like an angry dragon.

I saw that sentence on the paper. I knew that sentence was familiar. I knew that the sentence was more familiar than the books on the shelf.

I recalled it. Somewhere…….sometime, right. Maybe I wrote the sentence once somewhere and sometime. Which place?….ah….I remember.. I remember. I wrote it in a place like this room. I could recall now. The bookshelf, the books, the desk and the cot: all were related to me. Maybe I had those items in a time, I thought. So where were mine now? I had no idea. I wouldn’t remember. All I know now was that I was in a small, narrow room in a wide hall. I might want to clean those spider webs once, but I had never done it, I thought. I remembered it. That’s all I remembered now, no more that.

I looked around again in detail. I saw something. A man was sitting in the position of bending his head against the wall. I had no idea if he was in sleep or not. I approached him to check.

“Hey Guy” I woke him with a soft tone of voice.

But he didn’t hear. I woke him again and again. After four or five times I woke him, my voice became louder and louder.

He became awake and looked at me vaguely. I could not see his face clearly because he was standing at the darker side of the room. As he came near to me, I saw him more clearly.        Ohh…it was strange. He totally looked like me. I gazed him closely. Yes he was identical to me. I could even say he was part of me or he was totally me. He also stared at me back in a shocked manner, as if I were a strange creature to him. I also even couldn’t say anything for seeing that bizarre, identical guy. Difference between us was only clothes. He was in a short pant and T-shirt and I, in a shirt and jeans trouser.

“Are you sleeping? I am very sorry to disturb you.” I said.

“Why are you here?” he asked me at the same time I said to him.

“I found this room while walking in the wide hall, then I entered” I replied.

As soon as I had replied, he told me: “I became asleep while thinking. Where are you from?”

“I don’t know where I came from. All I know is that I was walking in a wide hall and saw this room. Do you know what this place is? And also what are you doing here?” I questioned him.

“I also don’t know what this place is. As far as I know, I live in this room, I read those books, I write whenever I desire to write, and I, like you, walk around whenever I feel bored. Whenever I walk, I find several rooms, and in each room, there is a man who is identical to me, even though they are in different types. If you walk on after going out of this room, you will see other rooms,” he explained to me.

I became happy secretly because I wanted to search next rooms. After he had explained to me, he went back to his place and sat down like before I came in. Is he sleeping again? I thought.

Sunbeam, like an angry dragon, was coming back again from the east. I liked that sentence desperately.

Not so long after walking again, I found another room.

This room was wide and had good lighting. As I saw a purple curtain at the corner of the room, I lifted it up, but I saw no window. There was the wall only. There was no window in this room, yet it had good lighting. I saw a big cot there. The thick bed was on it. I felt like clouds were passing near me. Near the cot, there was a shelf with a vase of flower on it. The pink colour vase seemed to be sleepy or to be rotten. In the vase, there were two gladiolus flowers, which looked dead with pale colour. Were those flowers shot by a gun? While I was looking at them, I heard some sounds, which said: I love you so much. Had one of flowers said that? I had no idea. I will love you till I die, I heard again. And then melancholic sounds which may come from a violin had overwhelmed the rooms, like waves coming to a shore.

The sounds were stormy in the room. Suddenly, the raindrops of sad loneliness rained in the room noisily. And also darkness had entered to the room. Then the crying sounds of the sleepless night appeared. I became so tired as if I had climbed up and down on foot to the twenty- storey building. I became very fatigued. There were several sad waves coming to my heart. I couldn’t stand this bitter emotion. That made me nauseated. I would like to shout vehemently like an animal facing to death. A pale light beam dropped into the room tiredly. I tried myself to calm down. I looked around the room again. Everything was as before, nothing changed.

A moaning voice of a man entered my ears. I looked around the room. I saw nothing even though I could see every corner of the room. Within a few seconds, I heard moan again. It was the voice from a living person, I know.

As I saw him nowhere, I searched under the cot. There was a man lying down under the cot, I found him. It must be him who was moaning. Why did he moan? Was he wounded? Or was he ill? When I shook and woke him, he turned back to me.

“How are you? Are you ok? Can I help you anything?” I asked.

He looked me back. Ohh……..he looked like me again. Yes, he was so similar to me, part of me or totally me. Was he the man I recently met? Or was he another man? I couldn’t classify it. A small wind of astonishing was passing in my mind. And then my mind became empty.

He said to me. “Why are you in my room? I want to be alone. You must get out of here”

“I came into this room while I was walking in the wide hall. I don’t have any intention to disturb you. I arrived here unexpectedly and saw you moaning under the cot. Aren’t you feeling well?” I asked.

“I am well, nothing happens to me. I just hate myself for being in trouble and being left by a woman. I might moan for having nightmares. By the way, where did you come from?” he asked me.

“I don’t know where I came from. As soon as I noticed myself, I found myself walking in the wide hall without any direction. I found myself in a room recently. After that, I saw your place and came in. Are you feeling heartbroken?”

“Who said I am heartbroken? At first time I noticed myself, I was in this room. And a woman came in and made love to me. Then she disappeared and left me alone. Why did she come to me and disappear? I am not satisfied with what I can’t imagine. I am angry. I think you are walking in the wide hall without knowing yourself. I feel sorry for you. But I don’t want you to be in my room. So please get out of here.” He said to me.

I was kicked out of his room. I could do nothing but to get out of his room. As I had no other choice, I had only to walk.

And also I had no desire to stay at a place or to sit calmly, I had to walk.

Walk, walk, keep on walking, I said to myself. If I were still, I wouldn’t arrive anywhere. And also I didn’t know where I would arrive if I kept walking. But I preferred walking.

My feet also were talking themselves, they would like to walk. They were looking forward to a place. I was being dragged by them.

I kept on walking. I thought sometimes that the hall also was walking with me.

I was not sure whether it walked or not.

As I walked, I looked right and left of the walls of the hall. Somewhere, I became aware that the colours of the walls were changing. Even though I didn’t remember what the original colour of the wall was, now it was changing from red to green and the white and so on. The time of changing was sometime fast and sometime slow. But it was nothing to me; I had only to walk while looking at the process of change.

Where would I arrive? To whom should I ask, to wall or to my feet?

I became tired and thirsty but my feet were still walking. I would like to go out of this hall and take relax now. But there was no chance for me. I had to walk on.

After walking and walking, I saw a brightly shine light in front of me. It was not so far from me.

As I became nearer and nearer to it, I was totally under the light. The light being terribly shining, I couldn’t see anything. I was blind for the light.

Where was I now? I was not sure.

And then, slowly and slowly, little by little the light became pale. I looked at my surrounding.

I might be in another room. It was right. The wall of the room was white. I became calm down. I exhaled slightly.

I heard some footsteps; not so loud. Did it come from behind? I looked back, but I saw nobody coming to me. I only saw shaking white light. I also looked at both right and left sides. Nothing. Also at my front. Nothing.

“Is there anybody?” I shouted. But I got no answer.

I wanted to meet with somebody. I wanted to talk with somebody. Please someone come near to me. My mind was in unstable state.

I must come back from this room. I’d better get out of here, I thought. So I turned and walked.

Even though I didn’t know the way to escape from the hall, I just kept on walking as usual.

Walking on and on for several years, I had seen several small rooms. I walked years after years, time was passing fast like the jockey horses. The horses ran one after one.

The rooms I saw were different in types. I entered them.

Once more I entered a room where I got intolerable smell of messes and rotten things. There also I found a man who terribly looked like me. He looked like a virus living happily in a pile of shit. He looked so active. I couldn’t stay there any longer. So I got back as usual.

After that, I found another room again. It was a weird room; I could name it entertainment room because there were so many CD, DVD discs, sound boxes, a huge television and so on. I watched so many DVDs and listened a lot of songs of those DVDs. I felt happy there. But it couldn’t last long. I turn out to be bored. I went back from that room and said good bye to the man in the room who was so similar with me.

And then, I walked again in the hall aimlessly. I passed so many rooms and entered so many rooms after that. There were so several unidentified rooms.

+++++++++++++++++
I found myself in a place again walking.

It was a room as usual. But in this room, I felt that there were various emotions mixed. And also this was a strange room because I saw so many windows here. The colours of windows were different: red, white, blue, yellow, green, black, brown, pink and so on.

“What should I do here?” I asked myself. My mind was so heavy as if it had carried tons of contradictions. I couldn’t imagine how I felt in that room. Those unidentified emotions had spread over me like a net.

I didn’t want anything now. I wanted to be free from everything. I wanted my freedom. I didn’t want to be in this room any more. What would I have to see after this room? Nothing was certain. Uncertainties were too hard as an iron wall.

I must go out of this room.

My mind had decided to go out. I wanted to go somewhere, I won’t care whatever happened. But on the other hand, I had chances here to open windows. I might see something through windows. I must open them.

I would open. Something could happen if I open.

I opened a window and then waited to see what would happen. I didn’t remember the colour of the window I did open. But whatever, it was ok for me. Something is better than nothing.

Fluuuu…………Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

As soon as I opened it, I heard those sounds. No light beam came into the room.

I only saw thousands, thousands of birds flying outside. The birds were flying so fast as if they were facing the death or as if the world had been destroyed.

I opened another window. I only saw the birds flying so fast and making the sounds, fluuuu fluuu. Nothing changed: it was just as before.

But I opened eagerly windows one after another. I opened all colours. I had opened endlessly.

After I had opened so many windows, there was only one window left to open.

Was that window a way to escape for me, I thought.

I believed that something would happen. And also this was the last chance for me.

I opened that window so slowly. No bright light came in. Everything was as usual.

Thousands of birds were flying disorganized. I thought there would be no more birds in this world. All birds were flying away now.

As the birds were flying away, they became less and less. I became to be able to count them. The last ten and the five birds were flying slowly.

Then there was only the last one. It became nearer and nearer to me. I saw it flying so tiredly and slowly. This bird was bigger than the others, and its enormous wings moved lazily.

While the bird was passing the door, I could see it clearly. As it passed in front of me, I was going to be crazy.

Ahrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………..I shouted terribly.

Identical was the bird’s face to mine.